erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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