I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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