my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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