Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
