Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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