i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
