I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
