I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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