i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
