The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
