I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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