i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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