We named our party play list daddy issues
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
