I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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