Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize