Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
