That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
