i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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