im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
