i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
