how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
