You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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