the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
