I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
