then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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