so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
