He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
