Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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