Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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