i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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