I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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