Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS