He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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