i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The Olympian is in my bed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
