they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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