alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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