Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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