I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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