forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
