i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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