Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
