I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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