Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
