Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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