i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
