His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
