Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
