so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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