I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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