1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
