I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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