Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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