Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
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PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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