I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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