The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
