Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
