you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
