Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize