Nicole vs. Life
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
