do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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