I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
