A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
