I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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