I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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