he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
