Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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