You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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