I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize