you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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